I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
