you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
