i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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