New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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