Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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