I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
