are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
