Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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