make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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