after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
