I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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