Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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