Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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