so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
