I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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