Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
