Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
