there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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