She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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