Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
