i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
