Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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