Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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