piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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