Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my liver is dry heaving
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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