she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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