Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
