I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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