I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
