yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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