I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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