will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
