I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
