Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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