so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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