In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
