1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
