I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
