The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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