Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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