I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Barsexuality is the new black.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sext me about skeletons
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
