so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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