Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
