it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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