I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
