my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
