Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
