Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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