plz talk dirty to me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
