our cab driver is having phone sex.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
