Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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