you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
