i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
